101 tips for encouraging your baby to feed
There are many reasons why a baby may refuse to feed. The cause can depend on your baby's stage of development or health.
Whatever the reason, having a baby who doesn't want to feed and who screams and turns away from your breast is very upsetting. However, be reassured, there are some things you can do.
Help your baby get the milk
One of the most common reasons babies won’t feed is because the milk isn’t flowing. Baby sucks at your breast expecting your breast to let-down and nothing happens. Or it happens more slowly than your baby is used to.
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Helping your let-down reflex to work is key to this.
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Once your baby is feeding, try using breast compressions to help get more let-downs and your milk to flow faster.
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If your baby has been used to the instant and fast flow from a bottle, they may not want to attach if your milk isn’t coming quickly. Again, triggering the let-down may help. You may also like to try feeding any expressed milk (or formula) feeds using a cup rather than a bottle.
Help make breastfeeding easier
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Feed baby as soon as they show hunger cues.
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Limit bottle use to encourage baby to suck at the breast.
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If you use a dummy, walking, singing and rocking while baby sucks the dummy may gradually soothe them so you can gently put your baby to the breast while removing the dummy.
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If your baby is very hungry, you may need to start with a small amount of expressed breastmilk, e.g. 30 ml, then gently replace it with the breast.
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Some mums use a nipple shield to begin a feed, slipping it off quickly and putting baby back to the breast once the milk is flowing and they are sucking happily.
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Express some milk into your baby's open mouth to remind them what the breast is for.
Try a different feeding position
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Walk around with your baby in an upright position against your body with their head level with your nipple. Walk and feed at the same time. Try putting your baby in a baby sling. Undo your bra so that baby’s face is touching the skin of your breast and they can find your nipple. You may need to wear the sling lower than normal for this purpose.
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Try a completely different feeding position: your baby tucked under your arm (twin style); or lying down on a bed next to each other with no body contact. This is especially good if it’s very hot or your baby is sensing your tension. You could also lie down with your baby cuddled in close next to you.
Try a different time or place
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Feeding your baby while you are both in the bath may help. Have someone available to help you lift your baby in and out safely.
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Try breastfeeding baby after a bath when they are warm and relaxed (if your baby likes baths).
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You could try playing with your baby on the floor while you are bare from the waist up. After some time gradually offer your breast.
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Anticipate your baby's waking time and lift them to feed while still sleepy. You may slip in extra night feeds this way.
Take away distractions
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Feed baby in a dark room or private space.
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Wear a baby-safe necklace to keep baby focused on you. Or give them a soft toy to hold.
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Offer the breast often – keep up the night feeds.
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Read more about distractible babies.
Help your baby relax
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Spend five minutes or so before the feed massaging your baby's naked body to relax them.
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Try singing to your baby, even if it’s the same few lines over and over.
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Try playing some relaxing background music.
Try to stay calm
When your baby is fussy or refusing to feed, try to remain calm and patient, handling your baby gently. If you are both on edge, try taking deep breaths similar to what you may have used during labour or when trying to be calm or meditate.
Deep breathing helps slow your own breathing and make it more regular which can help calm everyone. Concentrate on staying relaxed, use soothing music, rock your baby gently or carry them around. This relaxation will help your milk flow readily so your baby will get milk once they latch on.
If your baby is quite unsettled, cross or crying or if you are feeling angry and upset, you may find it helps to try again when you are both feeling calmer. In the meantime a cuddle or a game may distract your baby. A walk outside may relax you both. This is the time when your partner (or a friend or relative) may be able to step in and give you both a break.
Thankfully most breast refusal is temporary and it shouldn't be too long before your baby is again breastfeeding happily. Sometimes you may never find out why they refused.
© Australian Breastfeeding Association April 2022
Read more about breast refusal
